


To All The Boys (And Girls) I've Loved Before

by arandomfan91



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Closeted Alec, Coming Out, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-06-29 20:57:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15737208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arandomfan91/pseuds/arandomfan91
Summary: Yes, this is exactly what you think it is. Magnus writes some letters. Alec is one of the recipients. Fake dating happens.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Malec meets To All The Boys I've Loved Before. There will be some major changes to the story as it progresses, but it was 100% inspired by the film version of TATBILB. I read the book forever ago, but I don't remember it well enough to draw inspiration from it, so you'll mostly be seeing scenes from the movie, with my own Magnus and Alec twist. Hope you enjoy!

My name is Magnus Bane and I have a secret.

Throughout my life, I have loved four individuals. The first was Alexander Lightwood, after a game of spin-the-bottle in the sixth grade. Second, was Dorothea (Dot, I called her) from magic camp the summer before high school. Third was Will, who I spent the night dancing with at the homecoming dance Freshman year. And fourth… Well, fourth was Camille. And to all four of these loves, I wrote letters.

I started writing the letters with Alexander- the first person I ever kissed. The boy who brought to light who I really was. The boy who made me realize that I might have to hide my truth from the world... At least, for a while, until I figured it all out. When I kissed him during an adolescent game of spin-the-bottle, everyone cheered and laughed. Laughed because they saw two boys kissing one another as a joke. A spectacle. It wasn’t real… At least not to them. So I wrote him a letter and hid it away, saving our love for my daydreams. It wouldn’t have to be real for me, either.

Dot was a surprise. After Alec, I had been convinced that I was gay. Dot had proven me wrong. I was officially a freewheeling bisexual, and proud of it. I was ready to tell the world. And I did. But when it came to an actual relationship with Dot… putting my newfound sexuality to the test… I was too scared to act. So I wrote her a letter too, and sealed it away in the box with Alec’s.

By the time Will came around, it was a habit. And so, yet again, I wrote a letter.

And then came Junior year of high school, which brought with it the devil in high heels, in the form of transfer student Camille.

Dangerous, beautiful, wonderful, horrible Camille.

Out of my four loves, she was the only one who had convinced me to take a chance. And then she left me for another man.

Camille had reminded me how dangerous love could be. She reminded me why I always kept love locked away in a box. The more people you let into your life, the more they could walk right out of it. Camille had been a reminder of that lesson I had learned early on in life. It was why I had always kept my love on paper.

And so I turned back to my letters. Letters to all the boys and girls I’d loved before. I poured out all of my feelings on paper before sealing them, addressing them, and hiding them away in my closet, where my feelings would be safe and undiscovered, and my heart would go unharmed. Where I wouldn’t have to act on my feelings or worry about them ever again. Where I could well and truly put love behind me and never risk getting hurt.

It had been three years since I had written my last letter, the one to Will, but I found it easy to turn back to them in my time of need. To get all of my feelings down on paper and seal her away with the rest. It was time to close myself off again.

* * *

_Dear Camille,_

_You were the first person I ever opened up to. You stole my heart and convinced me to try. I love you- Even now. What we had was wonderful and scary and magical, and I always dreamed it would be forever. Your beauty and your confidence drew me to you, and your promises of all we could be made me stay. You will always have a piece of my heart._

_Love,  
Magnus Bane_

* * *

Magnus sealed the letter, addressed it to Camille, and stored it safely in his box, hiding it away at the top of his wardrobe.

It was done. He could breathe again.

Before putting Camille’s letter away, he had quickly flipped through the other three letters he had written. Re-reading them reminded Magnus of how strongly he could feel. How beautiful the fantasy could be. How magical love was. And, best part of all, he could experience all of those emotions without any danger of having his heart broken again. The letters were safe, and so was his heart.

Magnus smiled as he made his way downstairs for breakfast, excited for his first day of senior year- especially with his heartbreak and desire for love freshly tucked away upstairs, safe and sound. His walls were up, he was a free man again, and he was ready to go!

“What are you so happy about?” Ragnor asked as Magnus bounced into the kitchen.

Ragnor was Magnus’ best friend since childhood. He and his family had taken Magnus in after both his parents had passed away. He was a brother to Magnus. He was family.

“I expected you to be all mopey after Camille dumped you this summer... This is the first time you’ll be seeing her since the break-up, right?”

“Who?” Magnus asked breezily, holding back a smirk toward Ragnor as he snatched the granola bar he was about to take a bite out of right out of his hand. He took a quick bite and groaned in delight, just to piss Ragnor off even more. It was so easy to rile up his friend, and Magnus found a certain joy in it. Ragnor rolled his eyes at him, used to his antics by now. Magnus teasingly blew his best friend a kiss.

“Very mature. I see you’re handling this break-up like an adult.”

“It’s a big school. I don’t have to see her if I don’t want to,” Magnus shrugged.

“Avoidance and acting like you don’t know her… for the entirety of senior year. Yes, you'll be just fine,” Ragnor deadpanned, raising an eyebrow at Magnus to solidify the fact that he thought Magnus was an idiot. Magnus pointedly ignored his sarcasm.

“It’s our first day of senior year! So could you please stop picking on me and just be excited for once in your miserable life?” Magnus asked with an overdramatic pout. The pout got Ragnor every time. No one in their right mind could resist the pout.

“Fine.” Ragnor turned away to grab another granola bar and scoop his car keys off the counter. “But I’m driving- I’d rather not be arrested for vehicular homicide on our way to school this morning.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Magnus deadpanned, rolling his eyes. “You accidentally bump into one person in a parking lot… _once_! And suddenly we’ve moved on to vehicular homicide. Gee, thanks. Have a little faith, why don’t you?”

“I do have faith. In myself,” Ragnor smirked. “Not in your driving. Go grab your stuff or we’ll be late.”

“Yes, dad,” Magnus grumbled, rolling his eyes as he ran back upstairs to grab his bag. He couldn’t stop from smiling again as he reached the top of the stairs, though. He had his best friend, he had a ride to school, and he wouldn’t have to worry about juggling a relationship on top of everything else. He had a feeling that senior year was going to be just fine.

* * *

It turned out that avoidance in school was easier said than done, which Magnus quickly realized as he stumbled upon Camille wrapped up in the arms of her new boyfriend on his way to decorate his new locker.

“Oh, for fucks sake,” Magnus mumbled under his breath, quietly enough that Ragnor wouldn’t overhear. He knew Ragnor had seen them too, though, by the sudden reassuring touch on his arm.

“Oh my god, please ignore my cousin. She’s a horrible person and I tried to tell you this from the start,” Raphael pleaded as he magically appeared next to Magnus and Ragnor, a cardboard carrier of coffees in hand.

Raphael always popped up at the most random of times- a true friend to the very end, but unpredictable and impossible to track down nine times out of ten. He showed up when he felt like showing up. Magnus had to give him credit though- his timing this morning was impeccable.

“She has no sense of shame or decency,” Raphael continued, shooting daggers at his cousin, Camille, and her new college boyfriend. And what was her boy toy even doing inside the high school anyway? How did he get in here? Did Camille seriously sneak him in just to rub it in Magnus’ face? God, she sucked.

Magnus shook his head and turned his attention back to Raphael.

“Starbucks? When did you manage to pick that up?” Magnus greedily eyed his favorite iced caramel macchiato and pointedly ignoring any mention of Camille.

“I skipped home room,” Raphael shrugged, having pity on Magnus and handing him his caffeinated beverage and, graciously, allowing Magnus to turn the conversation away from Camille.

“You’re my best friend ever,” Magnus sighed as he chugged back his coffee. These early mornings could kiss his ass.

“You treat me better than she ever did,” Magnus tacked on, trying to come across as unaffected by Camille’s display of PDA. He glanced over at Ragnor, who was savoring his black coffee (black like his soul, apparently). Ragnor offered him a shrug. He knew Ragnor had never been fond of Camille, either.

They turned away from their lockers and began walking away from the show Camille was putting on. Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but a shout from down the hall cut him off before he could get a word out.

“Lydia, please! You’re really going to do this now?!”

Alexander Lightwood, still dreamy as ever. Tall, dark and handsome. Deliciously muscular. Gorgeous head of hair and beautiful hazel eyes... Not that Magnus had been paying attention or anything.

Alec and Lydia had been solid since freshman year of high school. They were the “it” couple of the high school. Alec, the student body president and captain of the basketball team. Lydia, the student body vice president and captain of the debate club and soccer team. They were a shoe-in for Prom King and Queen, and already favored to win the most votes for “Most likely to get married right out of high school and have 3.5 kids and a white picket fence.” Or so, everyone thought. Which was why Alec’s sudden pleading with her in the hallway on the first day of senior year caused total and complete silence. They had everyone’s attention.

“Don’t make a scene,” Lydia hissed.

“Don’t make a scene?!” Alec cried out. “You’re the one breaking up with me on the first day of senior year!”

A gasp went out throughout the hallway. Idris High’s “It” couple was no more? The whole school would know by third period.

Lydia groaned and threw back her head, as if praying for strength from the heavens. Magnus wanted to look away, give the couple their privacy, but it was like a bad car accident. He couldn’t stop watching.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now.” Lydia glanced around the hallway self-consciously. No one even pretended that they weren’t watching this all go down. The halls of Idris High officially had no shame. Not that Magnus was convinced they ever did in the first place… this was high school, after all.

“Are you kidding me? You can’t just tell me you want to break up then say you don’t want to talk about it!”

“Later, Alec!” Lydia hissed, then stormed off, pointedly not making eye contact with anyone. Alec let out a angry shout and punched the locker closest to him, before storming off in the other direction.

Silence resonated throughout the hallway, then everyone erupted at once, scrambling to pull out their phones to text everyone they knew the latest gossip.

Magnus turned back to Raphael and Ragnor with wide eyes, his two friends wearing matching expressions of shock.

“Well,” Raphael quipped. “Senior year is certainly going to be interesting.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a few concerns that Alec won't be gay in my story. So, I've added a few tags to help clarify, and I'll reassure you here as well- Alec is gay. Trust in that and just let the story unfold ;)

Saturday night. The best night of the week. Free from school, free from homework, free from worries. Magnus was officially a free agent. The night was full of endless possibilities.

“You’re really staying in again tonight?” Ragnor appeared in front of the television, blocking out Jake Ryan doing pull-ups in the gym from sight. Damn him- he just loved to rain on Magnus’ parade.

Ragnor moved out of the way at Magnus’ annoyed glare and collapsed onto the sofa next to him, stealing the bowl of popcorn out of his lap and taking a handful of the snack for himself. Stealing his food, Magnus could deal with. Blocking that gorgeous snack on screen from view… That was a far worse crime.

“What’s wrong with that? You’re here.” Magnus shrugged off Ragnor’s judgement. “Plus, this is a great film. I can’t think of anything better than a night in with my best friend, watching classic rom coms.” Sixteen Candles, to be exact. Even though Long Duck Wong or whatever stereotypical name they’d come up with for the horribly racist character he portrayed was a massive turn off… Magnus couldn’t resist the charms of Jake Ryan. Who was currently glistening with sweat as he pondered over the charms of Molly Ringwald.

Magnus really wished Ragnor would just be quiet so he could enjoy the movie in peace. But Ragnor had his “judge-y” face on, so Magnus knew he was able to get one of Ragnor’s famous talking-tos.

“Magnus… Don’t take this the wrong way. But I hate people, and I cancelled plans to be here. And you… I know for a fact that you love a good party. So why are you not out there? There’s got to be a few good back-to-school parties happening tonight.”

“It’s the first weekend of the school-year,” Magnus brushed off Ragnor’s concern, finally giving in and pressing pause on the movie. “There will be plenty more parties this year.”

“This isn’t like you,” Ragnor persisted. “You need to get back out there.”

“Why do I feel like we’re suddenly not talking about parties anymore.” Magnus let out a groan and grabbed the pillow next to him, pulling it over his head. Maybe if he just blocked all this out, it would go away.

“Because we’re not.”

“Ragnor, no…” Magnus let out another groan from underneath the pillow. “Please not this again.”

“I’m just saying. Camille was horrible. So you made a mistake in dating her. That doesn’t mean dating and falling in love in general is a mistake.”

“Says you,” Magnus grumbled, not wanting to have this conversation again. If he went the rest of his life never talking about Camille again, that would be just fine by him.

“I don’t understand why you won’t at least try to get close to someone again. You’re a great person, good-looking, a total catch… You could have anyone you wanted.”

“I don’t want anyone, though.”

“You know that’s not true. You’re just scared.”

Magnus startled as Ragnor pulled the pillow away from his face, literally forcing him to face the cold, hard truth.

“Wow, thank you Doctor Ragnor,” Magnus scowled at his friend. “Next are you going to ask me how that makes me feel?”

“Oh, shut up. I’m right and you know it.”

“Look, can we fight about this another night? For now, I want to dye my hair and watch Jake Ryan in peace with my best friend. Ok?”

Ragnor hesitated, and Magnus worried for a split second that his friend might physically pull him off the couch and dump him outside before locking the door, forcing him to face the cruel, harsh world head-on. But his friend finally relented and relaxed back into the couch.

“What color are you dying your hair this time, anyway?” Ragnor pointedly changed the topic. Magnus gave him a quick squeeze on the arm in silent thanks, then stole back his bowl of popcorn.

“I’m glad you asked. I’ve recently decided that red is definitely my color. So red highlights it is. Plus, it will match this divine jacket I picked up last week during a sample sale.”

Ragnor smiled at Magnus and shook his head fondly, and Magnus knew that things were back to normal. At least, for a little while longer.

* * *

 “You do anything fun this weekend?” Magnus asked Raphael as they made their fourth lap around the track. Whoever thought gym was a good idea was pure evil… Although Magnus had to admit it was helping balance out his iced coffee addiction. All of that sugary goodness wasn’t going to work itself off.

“Yeah, there was a crazy party at Jace’s place. And then I went to this EDM dance thing last night.”

“That explains why I didn’t see you until lunch,” Magnus teased.

“How about you? Any fun parties?” Raphael asked.

“No, not really. Not that I knew of, at least. I just wanted a quiet night in.”

Raphael hummed, trying to appear unbothered by Magnus’ answer. Magnus saw right through it.

“What?” Magnus asked, a hint of annoyance sneaking through his otherwise nonchalant demeanor.

“Nothing,” Raphael replied.

“No, please, spit it out,” Magnus insisted, even though he already knew where this conversation was going, and he was dreading it. But it was best to air it out and move on. Let Raphael give his two cents so they could both put it behind them.

Between Raphael and Ragnor, Magnus was convinced he would have grey hair before he hit thirty. At least he had just dyed it, so any gray hairs he sprouted from this conversation would be well hidden.

“It’s just, I never see you go out anymore. I thought maybe after Camille, I might be able to convince you to come out with the guys, but-”

“Hey, Magnus!” A familiar voice interrupted Raphael mid sentence. Raphael and Magnus looked over their shoulders toward the intruder on their conversation. It was Alexander Lightwood, complete in his soccer shorts and jersey, running to catch up behind them. “Hey Raphael,” Alec tacked on, waving the pair of them down.

Magnus and Raphael came to a stop, exchanging a quick confused glance with one another while waiting for Alec to catch up.

“Um, hey Alec,” Raphael greeted, unable to hide his confusion. Magnus was pretty sure the two of them had never exchanged more than a few words throughout all of high school. Magnus and Alec were at least occasionally friendly to one another in the hallways and in class. But Magnus couldn’t think of any reason why Alec would want to talk to them.

“Mind if I talk to Magnus for a second? Alone?”

Or, talk to him specifically, apparently.

Raphael raised an eyebrow at Magnus, silently asking what this was all about. Magnus shook his head, indicating that he had no idea. Raphael patted Magnus on the back, then nodded his head at Alec and took off jogging around the track again, leaving Magnus on his own before he could even protest it.

For some reason, Alec showing up out of nowhere, wanting to talk, was making him uneasy. He was sure everything was fine, and Alec probably just couldn’t remember what their chemistry assignment for the night was. But… that wouldn’t require Alec to talk to Magnus in private.

Magnus wiped his suddenly sweaty palms on his shorts. He couldn’t think of any reason Alec would want to talk to him outside of class or in passing, let alone one-on-one. For Alec to seek him out like this… Something was up.

“Uh… Hey?” Magnus asked, unable to hide his confusion at this unexpected conversation.

“Hey…” Alec trailed off, the usual confidence he typically exuded all but gone. He almost seemed… shy. And cute. Oh so cute.

“So uh… Yeah, I just wanted to say thank you. I’m really flattered. But... you know… You know I’m straight, right?”

And those eyes. Were they chocolate? Or hazel? And the way his eyes matched that gorgeous head of hair. And his arms in that jersey… Good god. The muscles on that man should be illegal. He’d always been fit, but he’d really grown into his body beautifully.

“It’s just… It’s never going to happen. I just wanted to be upfront about that. I’d hate to lead you on.”

Magnus’ gaze wandered up to Alec’s jawline… That gorgeous jawline that could cut bread, it was so sharp. And then his mouth… the pale, pink mouth that was spouting such beau…

“Wait wait wait. Back up. I’m sorry… what did you just say?” Magnus asked, his mouth gaping open, sure that he had somehow misunderstood the words coming out of Alec’s mouth. He had been a bit distracted, after all.

“It’s just… that kiss was ages ago. I mean, yeah, it was my first kiss too. But it didn’t mean anything. We were just kids, so it’s not like it was even that steamy or anything.”

“Um…. What?” Magnus interrupted. But Alec was on a roll.

“And I just broke up with Lydia, so that’s really fresh, and… Like I said, I’m straight. So while I’m flattered, I just… You know… Can’t...”

Magnus felt himself start to get dizzy. What was Alec talking about? Why did Alec seem to be rejecting him? Had Magnus given off some kind of weird signal? He knew he got distracted by Alec’s good looks every once and a while, but he was only human. Half the school admired Alec’s charming good looks. That didn’t mean he wanted to date the guy!

Magnus glanced around, trying to figure out where all of this was coming from.

And that’s when he saw it.

His letter.

In Alec’s hand.

* * *

_Dear Alexander,_

_I lie awake at night, wondering what it would be like to have your fingers run through my hair. To feel your firm muscles beneath my hands. To kiss you. To hold you. To tell you all my secrets. You were my first crush, the moment I laid eyes on you in the sixth grade. You were my first kiss, that night playing spin the bottle. And while everyone giggled over two boys having to share a kiss… It was always real for me. I can only dream it meant something to you, too. I love you. I just needed you to know that._

_Love,  
Magnus Bane_

* * *

“Oh my god.”

“Magnus?”

“Oh my _GOD_!”

“Magnus… You ok there? You kind of zoned out for a second.”

“Where did you get that?!” Magnus screeched, snatching the letter out of Alec’s hand.

“Wha- Magnus, you mailed it to me.”

“I did NOT! Oh my god!”

Magnus was panicking. Oh my god. How did his letter get out? How was this happening? This couldn’t be happening. He began looking around, trying to find an escape. Any escape from this awkward situation. And that’s when he saw her.

Camille. Stalking toward him. A look of determination on her face. And a letter in her hand.

Oh. My. God.

This day could not get any worse.

“Magnus? You don’t look so good.”

“Ok, Alec, listen,” Magnus said quickly, quietly enough so that only Alec would hear. “This isn’t what it looks like. I wrote that letter forever ago. I don’t like you. Not anymore. So just… Don’t take what I’m about to do at face value, ok?”

And before Alec could respond, Magnus pounced.

The kiss gave Magnus flashbacks to the sixth grade… Except hotter. Steamier. More facial hair. And that jawline... Good God, that jawline. Magnus actually knew how to kiss now, too, thanks to Camille’s expertise, so he threw everything he had into the kiss. Threw it all in Camille’s face. That would show her.

Before Magnus could get too carried away (plus, there was only so much you could do when the other participant in the kiss seemed to be frozen in shock), he pulled back, sure that Camille had gotten the message.

Magnus cleared his throat and awkwardly took a step back, before patting Alec on the cheek and leaving him with a quiet, but firm, “thank you.”

And then he ran.

He didn’t bother looking back to see Alec’s reaction, or if Camille was watching. He knew she had seen. She had, hopefully, gotten the message. And Alec... Alec would be a concern for another day.

And so Magnus kept on running.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another letter gets out and Magnus has an interesting conversation with Alec.

“Hey, Magnus?”

Magnus let out a groan. Apparently, not even the men’s restroom was safe. Did no one believe in sanctuary anymore?

A hand appeared underneath the toilet stall where Magnus was currently hiding from Camille. And in that hand, a letter addressed to Will Herondale.

* * *

_Dear Will,_

_Tonight was the Homecoming Dance. Unexpectedly, I spent the whole night dancing with you. A boy. In public. In high school. And you didn’t even seem to care that people spent the whole night whispering and staring at us. You just brushed it off and danced with me. You saw that I was alone. That I didn’t have a date. So you came over and asked me to dance. And when you got tired, you asked your date, Tessa, to dance with me. You were so kind. Your smile, your hair, your hands on my back… You were perfect. Thank you. I think I love you._

_Love,_  
_Magnus Bane_

* * *

“Oh, for fucks sake,” Magnus groaned at the sight of the letter. He should have known. If Alec and Camille got their letters, then it stood to reason that the rest were out, as well.

Magnus’ exclamation was met by two different laughs in response. So Will wasn’t alone. Interesting. His curiosity was piqued.

Magnus braced himself before opening the door- he had never pegged Will as the homophobic type, but if he’d brought a friend to help beat Magnus up, he wanted to be somewhat prepared. Magnus opened the stall door and peeked his head outside. Standing next to Will was Jem Carstairs, Will’s best friend.

And Jem was definitely a lover, not a fighter, so Magnus knew that at least they weren’t going to beat him up. Possibly laugh at him… Yes. But beat him up? No.

“Look, whatever you guys want to say, just forget it. I don’t want to hear it. I just ask that you don’t tell anyone else, ok?” Magnus pleaded.

“We were actually going to say the same to you,” Jem responded, eyeing Magnus cautiously. Jem took a deep breath and glanced to Will, who nodded at him. Magnus watched on in confusion. What the hell was going on? “No one knows we’re together,” Jem confessed as he took Will’s hand, slotting their fingers together. We really hoped to make it to graduation, get the hell out of this town, get married, and start fresh. You know how it is.”

Magnus froze. He was pretty sure his brain just exploded. “Wait… What?”

“The thing is, I’m super flattered,” Will replied, shooting Magnus his hundred watt smile. And, oh. Oh yeah. Magnus remembered now why he had been so smitten with him freshman year. “And maybe if you had sent this freshman year, when you wrote it… Who knows? But I’m stupid in love with Jem now, so... Do you think we could keep this on the down low?”

Ok, yep. Brain definitely exploding. This was the last thing Magnus had expected.

“Ok… You’re… You’re gay?” Magnus asked, just to clarify.

“I’m pan,” Will corrected.

“And I’m bi,” Jem added on.

“Right. Sorry. That’s...wow. Unexpected. Sorry I misjudged you guys.”

“The struggles of heteronormativity,” Will sighed, shooting Magnus another smile and a wink. Magnus shook his head, ashamed of himself. He always thought he’d been so open-minded, but he wondered how many other people in his life he had been quick to categorize as straight just because they weren’t publicly out.

“It's not that we’re hiding,” Will continued. “I wouldn't have danced with you at homecoming if that were the case. It's just, Jem’s parents aren't the most accepting, and if we could make it through high school without being beat up for who we love, that would be nice. Plus… You know…”

“High school,” Magnus said at the same time as Jem and Will. They laughed together, happy to find understanding amongst one another.

“We would love to be friends with you,” Jem added on. “We don’t have many friends in this town who know about us. Tessa, of course, but it would be nice to have a male friend who understands what it’s like. You know? Being lgbtq in this school.”

“Right, of course!” Magnus replied. “Yeah, I could really use some friends right now, too.” Magnus smiled at both of them, grateful for their understanding. “Speaking of, I need to go find Ragnor. And, more specifically, Ragnor’s car. So I can leave. And drive far, far away from this place.”

Will laughed and slapped Magnus on the back, and Jem offered him a reassuring smile. “Hang in there, man. And thanks again. For the letter. It really was sweet of you to write.”

“Thanks for not reading more into it. This is such a mess,” Magnus sighed.

“Thanks for not trying to steal my boyfriend,” Jem joked. Will slapped his boyfriend’s chest, jokingly scolding him for being possessive. Magnus couldn’t believe he’d never noticed before… He always thought they were close because they were best friends. But now that he knew the truth, it was so obvious. It had been right there in front of him this whole time. He shook his head and left the bathroom with a small smile, feeling just a tiny bit less alone. Maybe there was hope for all of them to have happily ever afters, after all.

* * *

“Ragnor! Thank god I found you!” Magnus exclaimed as he hurried over to Ragnor at his locker. The bell had rung as Magnus left the men's restroom, signaling the end of class… Excellent timing, as Magnus would have stormed into Ragnor’s classroom to get his keys if he’d had to. The situation was that dire. And Magnus really wasn't keen to make more of a scene than he already had that morning. “I need your keys.”

Ragnor let out a loud burst of laughter. “Yeah, right. Good one, Bane. Now if you’re going to hover and make weird jokes, at least help me carry my books to next period.”

“I'm serious. I need to get away for a bit. I need to think. And eat ice cream. Lots of ice cream.”

“Wait, really?” Ragnor asked, finally catching on that Magnus was deadly serious.

Magnus nodded, his feet shuffling as he quickly surveyed the hallway, on the lookout for Alec or Camille. He spotted Will and Jem instead, both of whom shot him a small smile and wave, their shoulders brushing as they walked down the hall together. God, this was such a mess- there was way too much commotion in Magnus’ brain: fear, confusion, anger, more fear… “I’ll explain later. I just need to wrap my head around this first. Alone. And also hide.”

“Um, yeah? Yeah, ok...” Ragnor glanced around the hallway, searching for whatever it was Magnus was looking for, confusion written all over his face. He turned back to Magnus, a look of concern on his face. “Wait… Hide? Hide from who?”

“I’ll explain later. Just.. Please?” Magnus would get down on his knees and beg if he had to. He just had to leave before Camille could find him again. It was only a matter of time before she sought him out at Ragnor’s locker.

“Yeah, fine,” Ragnor relented, digging through his backpack for his car keys. He hesitated for only a second before handing the keys over, and Magnus had never loved his best friend more than he did in that moment. He knew how much Ragnor loved his car, and the fact that he only hesitated a second, given Magnus’ track record with driving, showed just how much Ragnor loved him in a return. “Just, please be safe.”

“Thank you,” Magnus breathed, before racing back down the hall toward the school entrance. He just had to get away for a while. He knew how high school worked. Sooner or later, this would all blow over. In the meantime, he just needed to lay low. It would be fine. Everything would be fine.

* * *

Magnus raced to his favorite local diner… Ok, raced was the wrong word. He made his way steadily there at 30 miles per hour. Better safe than sorry. And he had enough to deal with already that day, he didn’t need to add vehicular homicide to that list. Or totaling Ragnor’s car. Because Ragnor would totally kill him. By giving him his keys, Ragnor had taken a total leap of faith… The last thing he needed to do was to throw that back in Ragnor’s face.

His favorite waitress, Jocelyn, was surprised to see him. Her daughter, Clary, went to the same school as Magnus, so she obviously knew that he was skipping class. But instead of calling the school or Ragnor’s parents, like any other parent would do, she simply raised an eyebrow at him with her hands on her hips, before turning around to get to work on Magnus’ usual death-by-chocolate milkshake. She knew he required those in case of emergencies, like the day Camille dumped him and when he got in that car accident while learning to drive Ragnor’s first car.

She was a wise woman, that Jocelyn, to know something was amiss for him to be there in the middle of a school day. He offered her a grateful smile a few minutes later as she silently slid his milkshake toward him, then turned her back to him and pretended like she never saw him. At least he knew he could always count on Jocelyn when things went wrong.

Magnus was halfway done with his milkshake, and halfway to a blissfully numbing brain freeze, when a very solid, very male body plopped down onto the stool next to him. Magnus turned his head to nod a greeting at the newcomer… And promptly choked on his milkshake.

Magnus coughed and sputtered, but still managed to scowl at the smug look Alec was shooting his way.

“What are you doing here?!” Magnus finally managed, still trying to gasp for air.

“Excuse me!” Alec called out, waving over Jocelyn and pointedly ignoring Magnus’ question. “Could I have one of whatever he’s drinking?”

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Jocelyn asked Alec, her hands on her hips and eyebrows raised at him, the same look she had given Magnus suddenly looking much more serious. Magnus had never loved Jocelyn more.

“Special circumstances,” Alec replied easily, flashing her one of his most charming smiles. And she was instantly putty in his hands.

Damn him.

Magnus knew the feeling, being on the receiving end of one of those smiles. He wondered if Alec practiced being so damn charming in front of the mirror every morning.

“So… You ran off pretty fast earlier,” Alec said as soon as Jocelyn had moved away to make him a milkshake. Magnus turned his stool back toward the bar, avoiding looking at Alec at all costs.

“Yeah… About that,” Magnus began, all of the awkwardness from earlier rushing back. He could feel Alec’s eyes boring holes into his skull. He could barely concentrate with Alec staring at him like that. His cheeks began to flush- the brain freeze from moments before was all but gone as his palms turned sweaty.

“I thought you said you didn’t like me,” Alec continued, when it became obvious that Magnus wasn’t going to continue his train of thought. “But that letter sure seemed to imply differently. And so did that kiss. But then you just ran. You sure are good at sending mixed signals, Magnus Bane.”

Magnus sputtered, lost for words. “That is not- I mean… I don’t-!”

He was saved by Jocelyn returning with Alec’s milkshake, which she handed over with a wink. Alec seemed to be eating the attention up, but he still kept his gaze on Magnus. Magnus rolled his eyes, but managed a smile when Jocelyn gave his hand a warm and encouraging pat.

“So… Which one is it? Do you like me or not?” Alec asked, before taking a huge gulp of his milkshake.

“Not,” Magnus replied resoundly, finally find his composure again. This day could not end fast enough.

“So then why did you kiss me?” Alec raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Magnus, and no, Magnus did not find that endearing. Not one bit.

“Because I needed someone else to think that I didn’t like them,” Magnus confessed.

“Someone else besides me?”

“Yes.”

“Sheesh, you’re more complicated than I realized,” Alec teased.

“Funny,” Magnus deadpanned.

“So... who is it?”

“What?” Magnus was caught off guard by Alec’s prying question. They had never spoken outside of casual small-talk in the classroom until now. So who did Alec think he was, trying to get this information from Magnus?

“Who is this person you needed to make think you don’t like. Even though you obviously do,” Alec elaborated. Magnus rolled his eyes- apparently Alec didn't know a rhetorical question when he heard one. Typical jock.

“Nope. I’m not getting into this with you,” Magnus protested, crossing his arms as if he was physically holding his secrets close to his body.

“I think you already got into this with me when you used me by kissing me,” Alec pointed out.

Damn him… That was so unfair.

“Plus, if you don’t tell me, I could always tell the whole school about the letter you wrote me.” Alec flashed Magnus an over the top smile.

Magnus couldn’t tell if Alec was being serious or not. Yep, super unfair.

Magnus nervously bit his lip, pondering over how much he should tell Alec. Or if he should even tell him at all. But he really didn't want news of his letters getting all over the school… Not that he truly believed Alec would tell everyone. Or would he? Magnus didn't really know Alec enough to know for sure what he would do. Plus… He had a good point- Magnus had already involved him by kissing him. The least he could do was explain himself so Alec wouldn't keep getting mixed signals. And talking it all out might help him clear his head…. Magnus let out a sigh and caved.

“My ex. Camille.”

“You guys broke up?” Alec asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

“You knew we were dating in the first place?” Magnus replied, surprised that Alec had even been keeping tabs on him.

“Well, yeah. I never really liked her that much,” Alec admitted sheepishly. “Sorry if that’s out of line to say. But I figure it’s fair game now that you guys are broken up.”

“Yeah, you’re not the first person to tell me that…” Magnus replied, hunching his shoulders and wishing he had another milkshake right about now.

“So… You sent me that love letter. That I assume you wrote when we were twelve?”

Magnus nodded in confirmation.

“Then you kissed me. But you don’t like me? It was a ruse to avoid Camille and make her think you'd moved on?”

Magnus let out a sigh and shook his head in disbelief. He still couldn't believe he was in this mess. What even was his life right now? “Pretty much,” Magnus conceded. “Except I didn’t send the letter. I’m not sure how they all got out.”

“All?” Alec asked, his eyes widening.

“Yeah, that’s the kicker. You’re not the only one who got a letter.” If Magnus was going to get into all the gory details with Alec, he may as well go all in. It's not like he had anyone else he could talk to about this. Well, except for maybe Will and Jem, now. But God, it was all just so embarrassing. Magnus hated talking about himself… And especially in regards to his feelings. And here he was with everything out in the open. It was his worst nightmare come to life.

“Wait wait wait… So you're seriously telling me that someone else got a letter? Who?”

“Well, Camille for one. Hence, the kiss.”

“Ah, now it’s making sense,” Alec replied, nodding his head. And Magnus had to disagree. None of this made sense. Not one lick of sense. It was as far from making sense as one could possibly be. It was all pure insanity.

“Plus… Two others,” Magnus muttered quietly. If he was confessing to Alec, he may as well go all in. It’s not like Ragnor or Raphael even knew about the letters in the first place, and the fewer people he had to talk to about this, the better. It was all so humiliating.

“Four letters?! You sent four love letters? Damn, Bane, you’re a player!” Alec teased.

Magnus rolled his eyes and snatched Alec’s milkshake away from him, taking a long sip for himself. “I told you I didn’t send them."

“Just when a guy starts to feel special, he finds out that there were four letters. You’re breaking my heart, Bane,” Alec carried on, ignoring Magnus’ protestations.

“Oh, shut up,” Magnus mumbled, holding the milkshake protectively against his chest as he took another large gulp. He wished he could drown in that milkshake, right about now.

“Sorry, sorry,” Alec said, but his smile said otherwise. “Really, that sucks."

Magnus nodded his head in agreement. "And don't you go telling anyone about this. You're the only one who knows... Apart from the other recipients of my ill-fated letters."

Alec rested his elbows on the counter and sat his chin in his hands, turning his head to look at Magnus. "So… What are you going to do?”

“Drown myself in death by chocolate?” Magnus suggested.

“Seems like a reasonable plan.”

“Then maybe move to another country.”

“Maybe a little less reasonable,” Alec replied, winking at Magnus playfully.

“Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I guess I’ll just keep avoiding Camille. Because I really can not go there again… I can’t deal with all of that right now,” Magnus let out a sigh, then slurped up the rest of Alec’s milkshake before throwing a few bills down on the table to cover both of their drinks.

Alec rolled his eyes and snatched Magnus’ money off the counter, pushing it back into Magnus’ hand before laying his own money down.

“Come on, Magnus, I’ll drive you home”

“But-”

“I know, you drove here yourself. But I’ve seen you drive. And with the state you’re in, and the food coma you’re likely about to go into from all of that chocolate, I think it’s safer for everyone if I give you a ride.”

“Fine,” Magnus relented. Alec had a point. And besides, he could always text Ragnor to find a ride home, then they could pick up his car from the diner later. He knew Ragnor would be relieved to know that Magnus wasn’t driving his car anymore today, anyway.

Alec rested his hand on Magnus’ back and guided him out of the diner and toward his car. And for the second time that day, despite the mess he was in, Magnus felt a little bit less alone.

* * *

It was a short, five minute drive from the diner to Magnus’ house. Not long enough for Magnus to sort through in his head everything that had gone down that day, and what it all meant in the long run. Perhaps it wasn’t too late to pack a bag and run away. Maybe if he asked nicely enough, Alec would just keep driving all the way to the next city.

Alec didn’t seem to mind the silence, unlike Ragnor who would usually poke Magnus over and over again if he was being too quiet, or Raphael who would start blabbering on and on about his latest adventure in order to fill the silence. Alec seemed to understand that Magnus was internally freaking out, and he respected the quiet Magnus needed in order to sort through his thoughts, even though he occasionally glanced over at Magnus, as if assessing if he needed to say something to save Magnus from himself. Finally, Alec just let out a sigh and turned on the radio.

Magnus was just beginning to relax into the comfort of Alec’s calming presence, and the sound of the Beatles on the radio, when they pulled up to his house… and spotted Camille waiting outside.

“Oh, shit,” Magnus cursed, trying to duck down in the seat. But it was too late. Camille had seen him.

Magnus sat stubbornly in the passenger seat as Alec put the car in park on the side of the road in front of the house. Magnus refused to leave the safety of the car.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity had passed, Alec tapped him on the shoulder, drawing his attention over to him. “You know… you’re going to have to face her eventually.”

“Not if you keep driving,” Magnus countered. Alec chuckled and shook his head fondly.

The car settled back into silence, apart from music softly coming through the radio, as Alec continued to let Magnus wait it out until he felt ready to approach Camille.

“What are you going to say to her?” Alec asked as he glanced at the clock on the dashboard. Magnus followed his gaze..:. Had it really only been three minutes since they pulled up to the house? It felt like an eternity. He glanced back out the window and saw Camille tapping her foot impatiently at him, her arms crossed over her chest and a perfectly shaped eyebrow arched up at him, daring him to approach. No way would he fall for that again- he knew now that Camille contained all the danger that particular look promised.

“I have no idea,” Magnus admitted, wringing his hands nervously.

“What if I told you I did… have an idea, I mean?” Alec asked cautiously.

“Go on…” Magnus prompted, his curiosity piqued.

“You know how you kissed me earlier… to throw her off the trail?”

Magnus felt his cheeks heat in embarrassment, but he nodded his head, not trusting his voice not to squeak embarrassingly if he spoke.

“What if… I mean… it’s stupid. But what if you pretended to be my boyfriend? If Camille saw that you had really moved on, she might leave you alone.”

Magnus’ jaw fell open, and he quickly undid his seatbelt. “Yep, ok. You have officially become scarier than Camille. I’ll see you later, Alec!” Magnus called out as he threw the car door open and headed for the front door.

“Just think about it!” Alec called out after him, then chuckled to himself as he reached across the car and shut the passenger door behind Magnus.

“Was that Alec Lightwood giving you a ride home?” Camille asked.

“Nope. Bye!” Magnus called over his shoulder as he raced past her and scurried into his house, slamming the door soundly behind him. Magnus collapsed back against the closed door and let out a deep breath.

Shit. What a crazy day it was turning out to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has been so crazy. I got a promotion, am working nonstop, moved, went a week without wifi at the new place... All this to say I'm sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter to you guys. If you patiently waited this whole time and are still here- thank you! I love you guys. I'll try my best to have chapter 4 to you much sooner.


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